When my Sexuality began

For some reason I grew up with a vivid interest in sex, as it probably was one thing never shown or discussed during my childhood. I enjoyed playing with my tiny penis, and my butt. As I grew up, and spent some time with my cousins (all males) :( at their homes during sleepovers, some of the older teens cousins would share their bed with me, and fondle me at nights. I enjoyed the sensations these pettings gave me. I noticed sometimes the guy's penis would be sticky at times, and ocassionally, one or the other would vigorously jerk on their penis, and go into spasms, as thick white stuff came out.

Some years later, as I entered into my teen years, I became more aware of girls and of course, myself, as I began to mature. It was the summer of 1978 when we were visiting my dad's aunt, when her son, about 30-35 years old, came into the bedroom where I was reading a book that I had found written by Oral Roberts, back when he was having visions to build the infamous tower of prayer at the Oral Roberts University in Tulsa OK, by a 900 foot Jesus. He sat by me, and began touching me on my bare legs, as I had on cut-off jean shorts. He told me of his new boat and asked me to come home with him and go fishing, all the while, he was caressing my thigh, and on the outside my shorts at my crotch. I loved to fish, so I jumped up and asked my mother if I could go.

Little did I know what his real intent was at the time, but I was to find out all too soon. At his home that night, it came up a thunderstorm and I was disappointed that we couldn't go night fishing as we had planned. Charles fixed up a pallet on the living room floor as the storm raged outside, and the home was plunged into darkness, as power failed. He wanted to go to bed early, as there was nothing else we could do in the dark, so he had me to undress, while he stripped too. I wanted my pajamas, and he told me my undershorts were fine, as he don't have pajamas. He laid by me on the pallet, and the now familiar fondling began again with my penis, as he eased my shorts off. Soon he took my penis into his mouth, and began to suck on it! I was amused and wondered what would happen if I peed....

I awoke the next morning nude, and saw him in his boxers as he prepared breakfast. He had put my clothes in the wash, and had me to take a shower while he finished cooking breakfast, then we'll go fishing! After the shower, I was bored, and found a stack of magazines upside down, so I picked one up, and was fascinated at the cover pic of a woman pulling her panties down, revealing her buttocks. I noted the title of the magazine, Hustler. I sat down and opened it, and was immediately enchanted by her bare breasts, with it's nipples. A few pages over, I grossed out, as the woman sat with her legs spread, and holding herself open for all the world to see. I thought she had suffered some horrible injury, as I saw her red, moist hole. I asked Charles why had she hurt herself, and he came to look, and began to laugh, really laugh. I didn't know what to make of his reaction to my innocent inquiry.

After some time, he got himself back under control and explained to me that's how all women looks down there, and showed me another one over in the magazine. He also explained how guys put their penis inside their hole and feel good. Oh. I never knew that. Over the next few days, he would suck on my penis whenever he could, even out in the boat while I fished, and in the evenings and mornings, I looked to my fill of the nudes in Hustler. I never was aware then what he, and I was doing was supposed to be wrong, against the law at the time. He never hurt me, and rather made me feel good, as I looked at the pictures of my first porn. My mother never found out that he did all that to me.

It was later that fall when he came to our home and took me squirrell hunting into the woods behind our home. Soon he had my pants down and sucking me off again, as I scanned the trees overhead for a squirrell to shoot. The end of my penis began to get really ticklish, and hot. I giggled and tried to pull out, but he squeezed my butt and began to suck more vigourously, until I felt a bit faint, and my penis exploded in his mouth, Hot and cold chills ran up and down my spine and even my scalp crawled as it squirted and squirted into his mouth. He smacked his lips and told me that I was a man now.

Love Letter

City of Love
State of Kisses
19 Hugs 62 Misses

Dearest Daring,

I am not classifying myself
with you because I know you go
with other people who are not nice
I am not going with such people
as you.  I have never loved
you.  I shall always hate you and believe
anyone except you.  You are the most
unforgiveable person and can never be a
loveable boy, a noble character
of a social family.  You are not
a boy of pleasing disposition
Your conversation has never been true
I don't want you to ever
mention my name again and do not
think I did not
tell you the truth when I  said I didn't
love you because you know that
everyone hates you and
I do. I shall always remain your
enemy and shall never be your
sweetheart.

P.S.  Now I have changed my mind.
Please go back and read every other line.

It was like death

Three weeks ago, I had my gall bladder surgery.  It was supposed to be a simple outpatient procedure, but instead turned into a major abdominal surgery.  As they prepped me for surgery, the anesthesiologist prepared my IV equipment and hung a bag next to the saline solution.  He connected a line to the tubing already in my arm.  "In a few moments, when everyone gets ready," he said, "I will release the anesthesia."  Minutes later, he removed a clamp, and told me, "you're going to be out in a second."
I felt warm, and floated off into oblivion as a buzzing filled my ears.  I awoke 5 hours later, aware of a throbbing sensation in the middle of my stomach, and realized that the surgeon had to open me, and now, my belly was riveted together.  The nurses were struggling to slide my 225 pound body from one bed to another.  Pain seized my abdomen as I slid from one bed to another.  As I yelped, a nurse said, "Sorry about that."  She placed an object in my hand.  "Press this button, and you will get some Demerol, to stop the pain."  I pressed it, and seconds later, I had the same curious sensation, as my ears buzzed again, and I drifted off.
Later that evening, I awoke, and was informed that I was in the ICU for observation, but I'm doing great, and should be moved to a regular room the next morning if all goes well.  During the course of my 3 nights stay in the hospital, I floated off in the haze of Demerol from time to time.  This was the same hospital where my grandfather had passed away 45 years ago from prostate surgery.  He never woke from anesthesia.  Eleven years ago, my uncle also passed away in his sleep after surgery, in the same building.  I did not pass away.  I lived.  I do not know how I survived the anesthesia while they didn't. 
I could have passed as my relatives did, and never knew a thing.  It would have been very painless, and not scary at all. As a young boy through my teen years, I was afraid of death.  I repeated a litany over and over to God, during my sicknesses,"Please don't let me die." Death seemed to be painful.  Scary.  Frightening.  I was not ready.  I read with fascination of other people's death experiences, and what they experienced.  The light.  The meeting of loved ones or angels.  The heavenly scenery. The flames.  Pain.  Fear.  Looking down at their body at the death scene.  Funeral.  I read it all. 
I know I did not die.  I did not have any of the experiences others said they had.  I simply went to sleep.  It was not my time to go yet.  I have a life to live.  I have a job to work.  I have a wife to love and cherish.  I get to enjoy more sex and fun with my wife.  I get to spend time with my relatives.  It is not time.  I do not know when or how long I have, but I still hope that it will be for many more years.  Then when God is ready, I will go to Him willingly.  I hope not in pain from some sickness or accident.  Or in fear of my spiritual state.  I hate the thought that I will leave an empty spot behind for my friends and family to miss. To remember.  I hope and pray that it will not be too soon.

No motivation

Since I've had my gall bladder surgery on the 5th of January and was hospitalized for 3 days, as it was worser than expected, resulting in an open abdomen surgery.  They placed me in the ICU overnight so they can monitor my condition closely, and that seems to have scared a few people...I was extremely sore right after the surgery, and was given a pain pump that when I press a button, I release Demerol, but I could only give myself a dose every 30 minutes.  The remainder of the 5th, and all of the 6th passed me by in a high stupor, but I was quite aware who my visitors were, except for one lady.  I began to ween off on Demerol on the 7th, and was released from the hospital on the 8th.

It snowed late Sunday night, probably begining right after we went to bed.  I got up 2 hours later and walked the floor to work the pain and stiffness out, while waiting on the Lortab to take effect.  We already had what looked to be 2 inches on the porch rail.  A couple of hours later I got up again, and noticed that it was still snowing, doubling the thickness on the porch.  Later that afternoon through the evening, we had light freezing rain icing over the snow.  My wife and I prepared to go to my mom's should our power go out, as we live in a total electric home, and she had gas heat.  The storm ended Tuesday, and we never lost our power. We had about 7 inches of snow and quarter of an inch of ice by freezing rain.

It was nice looking out the door and windows over the next few days at the iced snow, which is only halfway melted today, 6 days later.  It should melt more qiuckly over the next two days as the temps warms a bit more before raining.

I had a follow up with the surgeon, and he removed the drainage tube and 15 clamps holding the incision together.  I was cleared to go back to work the following Monday, as I have a desk job and doesn't lift anything over 20 pounds.  I've missed a total of 8 days of work, and will have 25 hours of PTO time to fill it in.  I should get a small short term disability insurance payment as well, but for only 1/2 of the pay I lost after 7 days.  But we're not going to hurt financially too bad, as some of my co-workers took a collection at work and a few of my church friends gave some cash as well.  Plus some other co-workers gave Rosie and I a bag of food, with microwave items and some snacks.  Mom also gave us a bit of food too.

One would think I would take some time to write here during my recovery at home in the past week.  I just didn't really have the motivation to write, possibly due to all that pain medication?  I don't know.

These two photos shows what my abdomen looked like after the surgery:

Winter time-out

I keep thinking back to 1995 when I and a few others from the church went to Atlanta to the AYC (Atlanta Youth Convention) a few days after Christmas.  I was tired, and sick with pnuemonia from working 12 hours days at the newspapers since Thanksgiving, as the mailroom was learning to operate their new 18-1 inserter equipment and working bugs out of the system. 

I drove the sedan to Atlanta, as the pastor and parents requested, as I was the oldest one, and have the most experience.  It was quite a trip with 4 teen girls ranging in ages 15 to 17 years and my brother.  I was recovering from pnuemonia, but a fierce headache was setting in during the drive from the sinus problems and stress of dealing with the Atlanta traffic. By the time I got us to the Westin Peachtree Plaza Hotel, I was quite nauseated from the headache and went to the bathroom. 

We got checked in and was assigned rooms.  There were supposed to be 4 guys to the room, but two guys from elsewhere didn't show for some reason, so my brother and I had a large bed apeice. I was so ill that I took a good swallow of the codiene based cough syrup that I had and some tylenol, and went to bed. My brother attended the orientation program and recieved the convention packets with tickets to meals, etc. as the fee we paid took care of everything, including food.

I rested quite well that evening alone in the nice, upscale hotel room, as such luxury accomodations were often unaffordable due to our income levels. It was nicely warm too.  I was in euporia from the codiene and watched television after having a pleasant nap.  I slipped out later and picked up a snack at the snack bar, using one of my meal tickets, and watched other friends from churches around the Atlanta area fellowship and cut-up, then I went back to the room and crawled into bed for a long sleep.

I really didn't attend any of the convention's classes and sessions, but showed for the meals, and retired back to the room afterwards as I took more medication and slept periodically.  It was one of the most restful retreat or vacation I ever had.

I'd love to do that again, with my wife this time.

Dear Empty Head

Here I sit with a typewriter in my hands ready to write you a letter in pen and ink.  We don't live where we used to because we moved where we live now.  When you come to see me, you ask someone where I live because nobody knows.

I'm sorry to say we live so close together that I wish we could live closer apart.  We are having more weather this year than we had last year.

My Aunt Betty died, and is doing fine.  Hope you are the same.  Her health leaked out and the Doctor gave up when she died.  My brother has the mumps and is doing nicely.  He is at death's door and is hoping it will pull him through.

Our neighbor's baby swallowed some pins, but we fed her a pin cushion and everything is okay.

I started to London to see you, but on my way, I saw a sign that said "this sign takes you to London."  I climbed upon it and sat there for three hours, but the thing didn't budge.

My grandmother got her wooden leg caught in the washing machine and grandpa had to cut it off to keep her from bleeding to death.

I am mailing you a coat by express.  I cut off the buttons so that it would not weigh so  much.  In case you are wondering where the buttons are, they are in the coat pocket.

By the way, if you don't get this letter, let me know, and I will mail it to you.

Always, 

Nutty Nut.

P.S.  In case of fire, fan it with this letter.

Actual police incidents in 2010

JAN. 17
Woman reports man for indecent exposure
An unruly 23-year-old man urinating in public near the intersection of College Avenue and Ware Street gave some parenting advice to a woman passing by with her daughter about 2:45 a.m.
The woman and her daughter were heading home after a trip to the hospital when she saw the man urinating in the middle of the street, police said. She told the man to find somewhere more private because she did not want her 7-year-old to see the man's penis. He then told her that if she didn't want to see such things, then she should not have her daughter out at nearly 3 a.m.
The man then hopped in a cab and the woman followed it as she called 911. He was too intoxicated to tell police where he lived, only stating several times that it was his birthday, police said. The woman said she would seek a warrant to charge him with indecent exposure.
FEB. 12
Man breaks window on recalcitrant door
The owner of the P&G Superette in Hoschton called sheriff's deputies when a 20-year-old Braselton man shattered one of the glass door panels while trying to leave the store, according to the Jackson County Sheriff's Office.
After the man walked into the door, he got angry and started yelling and cursing at the store's owner and her family.
The deputy noted in his report that the door was marked "pull," not "push."
FEB. 21
Perfume thieves hit for third time
Shoplifters struck Victoria's Secret in Georgia Square Mall for the third time in a week, making off with hundreds of dollars in perfume.
In the last heist, a woman in her 30s - who always wears pajama bottoms and this day paired the pants with a yellow sweater and bandana - came into the lingerie store with a man.
While the clerk was busy, they stole $863 worth of Very Sexy perfume, the employee told police.
MAY 6
Naked man turns up in wrong apartment
A 21-year-old Dearing Street man came home to find a naked man sitting on his bed next to his sleeping girlfriend about 6 a.m.
The boyfriend held the naked man at gunpoint and told him to wait on the floor for the police. When police arrived, several people stood around the naked man as he lay on the ground outside the apartment building. The man was extremely intoxicated and had entered the wrong apartment.
The girlfriend told police that the naked man did not touch her or try to talk to her at all.
When police asked him where his clothes were, he "smiled slyly" and said, "I'm not sure, sir," according to the police report. The apartment's residents decided not to press charges, but police did charge him with indecent exposure and public intoxication.
JUNE 8
2 ‘idiots’ cited for underage drinking
Two Monroe men claimed they were mentally deficient when an Oconee County resident found them in his backyard shortly before 1 a.m., according to an Oconee County Sheriff's Office report.
The two men, described as intoxicated heavy-set males, were among five people camping on McNutt Creek.
The men told the responding deputy that they went looking for their car, climbed over a fence behind a home and were confronted by the man. The pair told the man they were "mentally retarded."
The responding deputy located a woman who was camping with the men, and she told the officer that while neither man, ages 18 and 20, was mentally retarded, they "were idiots nonetheless."
AUG. 18
Call to “Ma” helps police ID burglar
Investigators were looking for an Athens man who broke into Stroud Elementary School, but left behind his cell phone.
Officers responded to an 11:25 p.m. burglar alarm and saw a man in the school's cafeteria, but he ran through a back door.
He dropped his cell phone, which had a programmed number for "Ma," police said. When an officer called the number, he spoke with the suspect's mother who said she didn't let him live with her anymore because he always steals, according to police.
The woman told officers her son stays with his grandfather in Colbert, and that he was supposed to appear in Madison County Superior Court on a burglary charge, but he didn't show up.
AUG. 31
Lincoln’s portrait betrays bogus bill
A 24-year-old Athens man tried to pass a bogus $100 bill at a convenience store, and a clerk almost accepted the money, but noticed that the portrait on the bill was of Abraham Lincoln - who's on the $5 bill - and not Benjamin Franklin, whose picture graces the C-note, police said.
OCT. 24
Police try to help man with cut crotch
A 52-year-old Athens man took a trip to the emergency room for some delicate stitches before heading to jail, according to an Athens-Clarke police report.
Officers responding to a domestic disturbance at an apartment near Georgia Square Mall around 10:45 p.m. heard a man threaten to kill someone, then beg for help. In a bedroom, they found him lying in a pool of blood and covered by a blanket, with a large laceration to his scrotum. The man first told police that a woman kicked him, then that he slipped, and finally something unintelligible about a broken screen door in another room, police said.
When paramedics arrived, the man told them he had a "big problem down there," but refused treatment and asked, "Is this really necessary?" according to the report.
He became so combative, an officer had to handcuff him and take him to the hospital in the back of his patrol car.
NOV. 7
Hungry burglar caught in eatery
An Athens-Clarke police officer responded to a burglar alarm at Raising Cane's about 5 a.m. and found a man standing in the kitchen eating a bun.
The burglar - a 25-year-old Atlanta man with a job, according to the report - seemed confused about why he was inside the restaurant after hours, first saying he was with a group, then that he was "just there."
The manager arrived and played back the security video, which showed the man enter the restaurant, sit for a few minutes in the dining area, then go back to the kitchen.
Since nothing was stolen (except the bun) or damaged, the manager had the man barred, but didn't press charges.
NOV. 21
Student charged with swiping sauce
A 21-year-old University of Georgia student was arrested and charged with theft and public intoxication after he stole a hot dog vendor's bottle of sauce and threw it away.
A downtown officer on patrol just before midnight watched the man walking east on Clayton Street.
"As the male got to the corner of the intersection, I watched him remove a plastic bottle, which contained some type of sauce (appeared to be bar-b-que) from the inside of his jacket and throw it into the trash can," the officer wrote in a report.
The student, who appeared to be drunk, denied that he took the bottle, but the officer saw him throw it in the trash. The vendor confirmed that the bottle contained his homemade "Kicken" sauce.
NOV. 27
Homeless man hurt at encampment
Athens-Clarke police responded to a half-dozen holiday domestic disputes on Thanksgiving, including one at a homeless encampment, according to police reports.
A handful of people who live in a wooded area at the intersection of Old Hull Road and North Avenue were watching the televised game between the New England Patriots and Detroit Lions when a 49-year-old woman became upset with a 51-year-old man. The man had excused himself to urinate in the woods and when he returned, the woman accused him of peeing on her tent. In the ensuing argument, the woman allegedly whacked him on the head with a grill cover, leaving a gash.
DEC. 5
Woman hails police; gets a ride to jail
A 23-year-old University of Georgia student got a ride to jail when she stepped out into a downtown Athens street and tried to stop on-coming traffic just before 2 a.m. The closest vehicle - which slammed on its brakes to keep from striking the woman - was Athens-Clarke police's transport van taking arrested people to the Clarke County Jail.
The driver checked to make sure his passengers weren't injured by the abrupt stop, then picked up the woman and charged her with pedestrian under the influence.

Originally published in the Athens Banner-Herald on Sunday, December 26, 2010