City of Love
State of Kisses
19 Hugs 62 Misses
Dearest Daring,
I am not classifying myself
with you because I know you go
with other people who are not nice
I am not going with such people
as you. I have never loved
you. I shall always hate you and believe
anyone except you. You are the most
unforgiveable person and can never be a
loveable boy, a noble character
of a social family. You are not
a boy of pleasing disposition
Your conversation has never been true
I don't want you to ever
mention my name again and do not
think I did not
tell you the truth when I said I didn't
love you because you know that
everyone hates you and
I do. I shall always remain your
enemy and shall never be your
sweetheart.
P.S. Now I have changed my mind.
Please go back and read every other line.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
It was like death
Three weeks ago, I had my gall bladder surgery. It was supposed to be a simple outpatient procedure, but instead turned into a major abdominal surgery. As they prepped me for surgery, the anesthesiologist prepared my IV equipment and hung a bag next to the saline solution. He connected a line to the tubing already in my arm. "In a few moments, when everyone gets ready," he said, "I will release the anesthesia." Minutes later, he removed a clamp, and told me, "you're going to be out in a second."
I felt warm, and floated off into oblivion as a buzzing filled my ears. I awoke 5 hours later, aware of a throbbing sensation in the middle of my stomach, and realized that the surgeon had to open me, and now, my belly was riveted together. The nurses were struggling to slide my 225 pound body from one bed to another. Pain seized my abdomen as I slid from one bed to another. As I yelped, a nurse said, "Sorry about that." She placed an object in my hand. "Press this button, and you will get some Demerol, to stop the pain." I pressed it, and seconds later, I had the same curious sensation, as my ears buzzed again, and I drifted off.
Later that evening, I awoke, and was informed that I was in the ICU for observation, but I'm doing great, and should be moved to a regular room the next morning if all goes well. During the course of my 3 nights stay in the hospital, I floated off in the haze of Demerol from time to time. This was the same hospital where my grandfather had passed away 45 years ago from prostate surgery. He never woke from anesthesia. Eleven years ago, my uncle also passed away in his sleep after surgery, in the same building. I did not pass away. I lived. I do not know how I survived the anesthesia while they didn't.
I could have passed as my relatives did, and never knew a thing. It would have been very painless, and not scary at all. As a young boy through my teen years, I was afraid of death. I repeated a litany over and over to God, during my sicknesses,"Please don't let me die." Death seemed to be painful. Scary. Frightening. I was not ready. I read with fascination of other people's death experiences, and what they experienced. The light. The meeting of loved ones or angels. The heavenly scenery. The flames. Pain. Fear. Looking down at their body at the death scene. Funeral. I read it all.
I know I did not die. I did not have any of the experiences others said they had. I simply went to sleep. It was not my time to go yet. I have a life to live. I have a job to work. I have a wife to love and cherish. I get to enjoy more sex and fun with my wife. I get to spend time with my relatives. It is not time. I do not know when or how long I have, but I still hope that it will be for many more years. Then when God is ready, I will go to Him willingly. I hope not in pain from some sickness or accident. Or in fear of my spiritual state. I hate the thought that I will leave an empty spot behind for my friends and family to miss. To remember. I hope and pray that it will not be too soon.
I felt warm, and floated off into oblivion as a buzzing filled my ears. I awoke 5 hours later, aware of a throbbing sensation in the middle of my stomach, and realized that the surgeon had to open me, and now, my belly was riveted together. The nurses were struggling to slide my 225 pound body from one bed to another. Pain seized my abdomen as I slid from one bed to another. As I yelped, a nurse said, "Sorry about that." She placed an object in my hand. "Press this button, and you will get some Demerol, to stop the pain." I pressed it, and seconds later, I had the same curious sensation, as my ears buzzed again, and I drifted off.
Later that evening, I awoke, and was informed that I was in the ICU for observation, but I'm doing great, and should be moved to a regular room the next morning if all goes well. During the course of my 3 nights stay in the hospital, I floated off in the haze of Demerol from time to time. This was the same hospital where my grandfather had passed away 45 years ago from prostate surgery. He never woke from anesthesia. Eleven years ago, my uncle also passed away in his sleep after surgery, in the same building. I did not pass away. I lived. I do not know how I survived the anesthesia while they didn't.
I could have passed as my relatives did, and never knew a thing. It would have been very painless, and not scary at all. As a young boy through my teen years, I was afraid of death. I repeated a litany over and over to God, during my sicknesses,"Please don't let me die." Death seemed to be painful. Scary. Frightening. I was not ready. I read with fascination of other people's death experiences, and what they experienced. The light. The meeting of loved ones or angels. The heavenly scenery. The flames. Pain. Fear. Looking down at their body at the death scene. Funeral. I read it all.
I know I did not die. I did not have any of the experiences others said they had. I simply went to sleep. It was not my time to go yet. I have a life to live. I have a job to work. I have a wife to love and cherish. I get to enjoy more sex and fun with my wife. I get to spend time with my relatives. It is not time. I do not know when or how long I have, but I still hope that it will be for many more years. Then when God is ready, I will go to Him willingly. I hope not in pain from some sickness or accident. Or in fear of my spiritual state. I hate the thought that I will leave an empty spot behind for my friends and family to miss. To remember. I hope and pray that it will not be too soon.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
No motivation
Since I've had my gall bladder surgery on the 5th of January and was hospitalized for 3 days, as it was worser than expected, resulting in an open abdomen surgery. They placed me in the ICU overnight so they can monitor my condition closely, and that seems to have scared a few people...I was extremely sore right after the surgery, and was given a pain pump that when I press a button, I release Demerol, but I could only give myself a dose every 30 minutes. The remainder of the 5th, and all of the 6th passed me by in a high stupor, but I was quite aware who my visitors were, except for one lady. I began to ween off on Demerol on the 7th, and was released from the hospital on the 8th.
It snowed late Sunday night, probably begining right after we went to bed. I got up 2 hours later and walked the floor to work the pain and stiffness out, while waiting on the Lortab to take effect. We already had what looked to be 2 inches on the porch rail. A couple of hours later I got up again, and noticed that it was still snowing, doubling the thickness on the porch. Later that afternoon through the evening, we had light freezing rain icing over the snow. My wife and I prepared to go to my mom's should our power go out, as we live in a total electric home, and she had gas heat. The storm ended Tuesday, and we never lost our power. We had about 7 inches of snow and quarter of an inch of ice by freezing rain.
It was nice looking out the door and windows over the next few days at the iced snow, which is only halfway melted today, 6 days later. It should melt more qiuckly over the next two days as the temps warms a bit more before raining.
I had a follow up with the surgeon, and he removed the drainage tube and 15 clamps holding the incision together. I was cleared to go back to work the following Monday, as I have a desk job and doesn't lift anything over 20 pounds. I've missed a total of 8 days of work, and will have 25 hours of PTO time to fill it in. I should get a small short term disability insurance payment as well, but for only 1/2 of the pay I lost after 7 days. But we're not going to hurt financially too bad, as some of my co-workers took a collection at work and a few of my church friends gave some cash as well. Plus some other co-workers gave Rosie and I a bag of food, with microwave items and some snacks. Mom also gave us a bit of food too.
One would think I would take some time to write here during my recovery at home in the past week. I just didn't really have the motivation to write, possibly due to all that pain medication? I don't know.
These two photos shows what my abdomen looked like after the surgery:
It snowed late Sunday night, probably begining right after we went to bed. I got up 2 hours later and walked the floor to work the pain and stiffness out, while waiting on the Lortab to take effect. We already had what looked to be 2 inches on the porch rail. A couple of hours later I got up again, and noticed that it was still snowing, doubling the thickness on the porch. Later that afternoon through the evening, we had light freezing rain icing over the snow. My wife and I prepared to go to my mom's should our power go out, as we live in a total electric home, and she had gas heat. The storm ended Tuesday, and we never lost our power. We had about 7 inches of snow and quarter of an inch of ice by freezing rain.
It was nice looking out the door and windows over the next few days at the iced snow, which is only halfway melted today, 6 days later. It should melt more qiuckly over the next two days as the temps warms a bit more before raining.
I had a follow up with the surgeon, and he removed the drainage tube and 15 clamps holding the incision together. I was cleared to go back to work the following Monday, as I have a desk job and doesn't lift anything over 20 pounds. I've missed a total of 8 days of work, and will have 25 hours of PTO time to fill it in. I should get a small short term disability insurance payment as well, but for only 1/2 of the pay I lost after 7 days. But we're not going to hurt financially too bad, as some of my co-workers took a collection at work and a few of my church friends gave some cash as well. Plus some other co-workers gave Rosie and I a bag of food, with microwave items and some snacks. Mom also gave us a bit of food too.
One would think I would take some time to write here during my recovery at home in the past week. I just didn't really have the motivation to write, possibly due to all that pain medication? I don't know.
These two photos shows what my abdomen looked like after the surgery:
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Winter time-out
I keep thinking back to 1995 when I and a few others from the church went to Atlanta to the AYC (Atlanta Youth Convention) a few days after Christmas. I was tired, and sick with pnuemonia from working 12 hours days at the newspapers since Thanksgiving, as the mailroom was learning to operate their new 18-1 inserter equipment and working bugs out of the system.
I drove the sedan to Atlanta, as the pastor and parents requested, as I was the oldest one, and have the most experience. It was quite a trip with 4 teen girls ranging in ages 15 to 17 years and my brother. I was recovering from pnuemonia, but a fierce headache was setting in during the drive from the sinus problems and stress of dealing with the Atlanta traffic. By the time I got us to the Westin Peachtree Plaza Hotel, I was quite nauseated from the headache and went to the bathroom.
We got checked in and was assigned rooms. There were supposed to be 4 guys to the room, but two guys from elsewhere didn't show for some reason, so my brother and I had a large bed apeice. I was so ill that I took a good swallow of the codiene based cough syrup that I had and some tylenol, and went to bed. My brother attended the orientation program and recieved the convention packets with tickets to meals, etc. as the fee we paid took care of everything, including food.
I rested quite well that evening alone in the nice, upscale hotel room, as such luxury accomodations were often unaffordable due to our income levels. It was nicely warm too. I was in euporia from the codiene and watched television after having a pleasant nap. I slipped out later and picked up a snack at the snack bar, using one of my meal tickets, and watched other friends from churches around the Atlanta area fellowship and cut-up, then I went back to the room and crawled into bed for a long sleep.
I really didn't attend any of the convention's classes and sessions, but showed for the meals, and retired back to the room afterwards as I took more medication and slept periodically. It was one of the most restful retreat or vacation I ever had.
I'd love to do that again, with my wife this time.
I drove the sedan to Atlanta, as the pastor and parents requested, as I was the oldest one, and have the most experience. It was quite a trip with 4 teen girls ranging in ages 15 to 17 years and my brother. I was recovering from pnuemonia, but a fierce headache was setting in during the drive from the sinus problems and stress of dealing with the Atlanta traffic. By the time I got us to the Westin Peachtree Plaza Hotel, I was quite nauseated from the headache and went to the bathroom.
We got checked in and was assigned rooms. There were supposed to be 4 guys to the room, but two guys from elsewhere didn't show for some reason, so my brother and I had a large bed apeice. I was so ill that I took a good swallow of the codiene based cough syrup that I had and some tylenol, and went to bed. My brother attended the orientation program and recieved the convention packets with tickets to meals, etc. as the fee we paid took care of everything, including food.
I rested quite well that evening alone in the nice, upscale hotel room, as such luxury accomodations were often unaffordable due to our income levels. It was nicely warm too. I was in euporia from the codiene and watched television after having a pleasant nap. I slipped out later and picked up a snack at the snack bar, using one of my meal tickets, and watched other friends from churches around the Atlanta area fellowship and cut-up, then I went back to the room and crawled into bed for a long sleep.
I really didn't attend any of the convention's classes and sessions, but showed for the meals, and retired back to the room afterwards as I took more medication and slept periodically. It was one of the most restful retreat or vacation I ever had.
I'd love to do that again, with my wife this time.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Dear Empty Head
Here I sit with a typewriter in my hands ready to write you a letter in pen and ink. We don't live where we used to because we moved where we live now. When you come to see me, you ask someone where I live because nobody knows.
I'm sorry to say we live so close together that I wish we could live closer apart. We are having more weather this year than we had last year.
My Aunt Betty died, and is doing fine. Hope you are the same. Her health leaked out and the Doctor gave up when she died. My brother has the mumps and is doing nicely. He is at death's door and is hoping it will pull him through.
Our neighbor's baby swallowed some pins, but we fed her a pin cushion and everything is okay.
I started to London to see you, but on my way, I saw a sign that said "this sign takes you to London." I climbed upon it and sat there for three hours, but the thing didn't budge.
My grandmother got her wooden leg caught in the washing machine and grandpa had to cut it off to keep her from bleeding to death.
I am mailing you a coat by express. I cut off the buttons so that it would not weigh so much. In case you are wondering where the buttons are, they are in the coat pocket.
By the way, if you don't get this letter, let me know, and I will mail it to you.
Always,
Nutty Nut.
P.S. In case of fire, fan it with this letter.
I'm sorry to say we live so close together that I wish we could live closer apart. We are having more weather this year than we had last year.
My Aunt Betty died, and is doing fine. Hope you are the same. Her health leaked out and the Doctor gave up when she died. My brother has the mumps and is doing nicely. He is at death's door and is hoping it will pull him through.
Our neighbor's baby swallowed some pins, but we fed her a pin cushion and everything is okay.
I started to London to see you, but on my way, I saw a sign that said "this sign takes you to London." I climbed upon it and sat there for three hours, but the thing didn't budge.
My grandmother got her wooden leg caught in the washing machine and grandpa had to cut it off to keep her from bleeding to death.
I am mailing you a coat by express. I cut off the buttons so that it would not weigh so much. In case you are wondering where the buttons are, they are in the coat pocket.
By the way, if you don't get this letter, let me know, and I will mail it to you.
Always,
Nutty Nut.
P.S. In case of fire, fan it with this letter.
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